This Time Last Year: The Birth

My first thought when I woke up in the morning was, “No baby yet.” But that wasn’t unusual. I’ve had that thought every morning for weeks before my due date. 

On June 12, I went into the hospital as planned to have my labour induced. I was strangely calm throughout the process. I was moved to a private room where I fell asleep to voices around me. An hour or so later, I woke up with a jerk to see water gushing out of me. My doctor did an exam and said that I needed to go into surgery immediately. The baby had pooped in the womb and was in danger of inhaling it. Shiiit! I had started to get a little anxious by then.

They moved me into an operation theater and stuck a needle down my spine. I was numb from the waist down within a few seconds. They asked me if I wanted my eyes covered, I said no. My sister-in-law held my hand reassuringly. I could feel my body shaking as the doctors cut through it. It was only a couple of minutes before the little one came out with a tiny squeal. I remember thinking, "Wow, that was quick." They showed me the baby and I can't really comprehend what I felt. I don't remember crying. They stitched me up for God knows how long before I finally left the room.

I don't know how it is for everyone else post-op, but recovery was no joke. Once the numbness from the anesthesia wore out, it was pure hell for days. I couldn't turn left or right or sit up straight. I was peeing into a tube, passing gas loudly and being given towel baths by a nurse. But having the little one next to me made all the weird things worth it. It took me a while to get back to normal. Things were crazy for a few months. But that's a story for another time. 

I haven't been a great mom this past year. I've failed many times. I've been impatient. I've been bored. I've been lazy. I've been exhausted - physically, mentally and emotionally. I go to bed every night promising myself I will do better. Most days I stumble. I wish I was a perfect mom like so many others I see out there, but I'm human and sometimes I will fail. But I promise to never ever give up. 

Happy birthday, my precious!