Trapped

It's been over a year since I last wrote here. I haven't really been busy or anything but I seem to have lost all enthusiasm for the world over this period of time; even the bits I usually like. Am I experiencing symptoms of depression? Or am I just bored?

As much as I loved being at home, I also enjoyed being outside, taking walks, dressing up and going shopping. All I do now is spend my free time holed up in my room. Some days, I feel like the real me is back; I catch up with my friends, I go see a movie, I do something fun. Other days, I feel like nothing is going to make me happier, so what's the point? 

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

I decided to find something new to be enthusiastic about; be it work, a hobby or whatever. I thought having some goal, however arbitrary, to work towards might help. To understand how clueless I was earlier, you need to read this: Clueless

I finally know what I want to do with my life. First off, I needed a MBA; so I prepped a little and took a couple of exams. I bombed both. I'm thinking maybe I should just give up. Oh God, have I always been such a quitter?

I sit here and wonder if the fact that I'm not doing much to take the next step in my life is what makes me feel this way. Everybody is trying to tell me that I'm better than this, but am I really? Is the fear of failure holding me back? I know I will have to work harder to escape this feeling. It's not going to be easy getting to where I want to be from where I am now.